My spiritual journey is being a Spiritual Mystic. Being a Spiritual Mystic is all about self-awareness and self healing. Everyone of us must go through different of types grief throughout our lifetimes. Grief doesn’t just happen when we lose a person or pet. We can feel grief at the loss of a job, a home, objects, or even our past selves. In this article, I will walk you through some of my grief about my grandfather and how I turned that grief into love. This article is the first in a series of articles I will write about turning grief into love.
Turning Grief Into Love: Grandfather
-Turning Grief Into Love My Grandfather, My Earth Angel
-Turning Grief Into Love My Grandfather’s Death
Turning Grief Into Love My Grandfather
Turning Grief Into Love My Grandfather, My Earth Angel
As a Spiritual Mystic, I have learned to turn my grief for my grandfather into love. My grandfather was the easiest one to do this with, as he is my guardian angel. He was an Earth angel to me. I grew up in a large family and I am the youngest. Being the youngest of seven, you can often be overlooked. I also felt like I did not belong in the family I was born into. I just was not like any of them. My grandfather was the one person I was a lot like he always made me feel like I belonged.
I had a sister who was an athlete and another sister who was a beauty queen. She demanded everyone’s attention all the time, and she got it. I was neither. I was the dreamer, the writer, the poet. The one who loved being in nature and being alone. Being the youngest, I was often the one blamed for everything, even if I did not do it. I was also what my family called strange. Loving magic, daydreaming, witchcraft, animals, and other mystical things. I did not know it then, but I was a spiritual mystic from birth. So, you can see how a young girl would feel like she did not belong in such a family.
My grandfather and I were a lot alike. He liked many of the same subjects I did. He advised me about flowers, trees, and herbal medicine. My grandfather was a lover of everything I wrote. My grandfather was a silent man, but with me, he always had something to say. I loved being the one person my grandfather enjoyed talking to. He constantly made me feel significant. He was my Earth Angel.
Turning Grief Into Love My Grandfather’s Death
My grandfather’s death hit me hard. Looking back on it now, some almost thirty years later, I see it for what it was, a very mystical point in my life. My grandfather’s death changed my life in many good ways because it taught me many lessons, that it took me a lifetime to learn.
I was twenty years old when my grandfather died. I was very close to him. He was the one during my childhood who truly understood who I was. My grandfather gave me the confidence, support and strength, which I needed to get through my teen – hood. He was the one person I could always talk to about anything. I still carry his strength and wisdom with me to this day.
Discovering my grandfather was dead was intense and much more like a dream. It was a spiritual awakening, even though I did not fully understand it at the time it was happening. It was one of my first Spiritual Mystic moments and something imbedded it in my soul’s memory. My grandfather came to see me one last time to say goodbye.
I was awakened in the middle of the night with a pain in my heart. The pain did not last. It stopped when I heard the voice of my grandfather calling to me, “Sunshine, I am dying. Let go.” My grandfather called me sunshine.
Suddenly, I was in a room that was so brightly lightened all I could see was white light and my grandfather standing next to me. He walked over to me and touched my heart.
He said, “Don’t worry, for we will never be apart. But, it is my time to leave this world. I have come to you to let you know. It is time to let go. I will always be by your side, no matter what you do. I will protect you from above, but now it is time for me to go.”
He kissed me on the cheek. The next thing I remember, I was waking up wanting to get a hold of my mother. Before, my mother said anything to me. I told her, pop is dead! My mother sadly confirmed what I already knew. My grandfather had died the night before.
Turning Grief Into Love My Grandfather’s Funeral
My grandfather’s funeral was difficult for me. Like I said, I never really felt like I fit in with my family. And when you lose the one person who made you feel truly loved, that leaves you in a terrible place. My grandfather meant the world to me and it seemed like no one understood that or my loss. But, everyone was grieving so I forgive them.
I really felt the deep pain of his loss as it really brought out my misplacement in my family. My one sister was very harsh and hurtful. I was sitting on the stairs, crying hard. She said to me,” What are you so upset about? Why are you crying like that? You weren’t even close to pop.
” I just got up and went for a walk, saying nothing to her. Since then I have done a lot of healing and I forgive her for her harshness and misunderstanding. I also forgive myself for not telling her off.
My grandmother took me with her when she went to make arrangements for my grandfather’s funeral. I was happy to be with her and support her. I said little, but somehow I felt like I was meant to be there. Maybe it was my connection with my grandfather. I don’t know. I am just glad she asked me to go with her.
There were many Spiritual Mystic moments that happened to me while I was at my grandparents’ home during my grandfather’s funeral. I went for many walks while I was there. The Mountains of Pennsylvania are beautiful. One of my walks up the mountain. A walk I took with my grandfather many times. There was a graveyard at the top of the mountain with an out of the place willow tree. I love to sit under the tree with my grandfather and talk. I sat under the willow tree and memories of my grandfather came pouring into my mind. The wind got cold, and it started to snow, in the middle of June. I quickly ran back to my grandmother’s house.
At my grandmother’s house, another Spiritual Mystic moment occurred. Like I said, I loved to write. I have been writing since I was a very little girl. Some of my favorite memories are of me reading my writing to my grandfather. He always had yellow legal notepads, and that was what I would use to write on.
I asked my grandmother if she had one. She looked all over and couldn’t find any anywhere. She apologized, and I told her that it was alright. I would find something else to write on. I went in the living room and sat on my grandfather’s favorite chair. Crying because of the reason I wanted the yellow pad. I wanted to write a poem for my grandfather, letting him know how much he meant to me. I remember when I was little, my grandfather would have the yellow notepads in his coffee table stand. I checked and guess what? Now, my grandmother had looked and there was none in there. She even took all the stuff out, but couldn’t find one. When I looked, I found one. My grandfather must have put it there just for me. It was one of those Spiritual Mystic moments.
I wrote a lovely poem for my grandfather. Everyone in my family will tell you how beautiful it was, even though no one can remember a word of it. I wrote two copies of the poem. I stuck one in my grandfather’s pocket and they buried it with him. The other copy got lost. I wrote another poem close to it, but never could remember what I wrote exactly. This too was a Spiritual Mystic moment. That poem was written from my soul for my grandfather’s ears. I meant it for him and with him it stays in Heaven.
I write about my grandfather often. Over the past 30 years, I have written many poems and short stories about my grandfather. That is how I turn grief into love. Writing about my grandfather brings me great joy. I didn’t know it when he died, but my grandfather is my guardian angel.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article in my series turning grief into love. Come back soon to read the next article. Thank-you for reading.
Much Love and light.
Brenda Marie Fluharty
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